Public service announcement to all you hipsters out there:

Status updates do not change the world!

Yes, I’m sorry, sad but true. “Awareness” is often, in itself, not a worthy goal (dislike…).

The funny thing about hipster culture is that even though many hipsters seem to be disengaged from politics and society in any meaningful way (see Grandpa Hipster’s post), the facebook is increasingly becoming the choice avenue for hipsters who want to feel like they’re making a difference without having to leave the comfort of their retro barcaloungers (yes, in hipster-fashion I will be using more retro usage, i.e. “the facebook”). Of course, this phenomenon is not related to hipsters alone. Seeing as they really are the leaders in the apathy-revolution, I think this topic is site-appropriate as a classic manifestation of hipster-style social conscience: all style, no substance.

By the way, I don’t want you to confuse my use of the word awareness with an ACTUAL USEFUL awareness campaign (“hey, condoms are a good idea you guys”). An awareness campaign is not useful if everyone is already aware of the problem.

The most recent social-awareness meme going around the facebook is the “I like it … [this is where I put my vintage purse down when I get home]” status update. This is just the most recent in a slew of similar “campaigns” (are they really started by any specific organization?…), to spread “awareness” about a current issue or disease. This one apparently has to do with breast cancer, although I’ve seen some facebook  invitation messages that don’t mention cancer at all. This capitalizes on an earlier meme where women changed their status update to the color of their bra for the same apparent purpose (this one at least had something to do with breasts). Another prime example occurred during the Iranian elections last year, when many twitter and facebook users changed their profile pictures to solid black to protest the actions of the Iranian government.

The specific issue aside (and of course breast cancer and support of Iranian democracy are both worthy causes), the question is, can changing your status update actually make any difference in this world? Can a status update help make progress in curing cancer or overthrowing an oppressive regime? The answer is, of course: no fraking way. This kind of social “action” makes about as much difference as a chain letter (“send this letter to ten of your friends if you like bananas you guys…”). It just serves as a placebo, giving people the feeling of making a difference in order to placate that pesky guilt feeling (maybe chain smoking all morning while waiting for my friends to have brunch with me is not the best use of my time…).

A related subject in hipster-land: disease-branded merchandise. Pink for breast cancer, red for AIDS (1% of this sale will go to stroking your ego…). I don’t understand why people don’t see this for what it is: nothing more than a marketing effort by large corporations to combine conspicuous consumption with guilt (but don’t worry you guys, you’re also simultaneously spreading “awareness”). A much better idea for an interested individual would be to postpone that consumption, make an actual personal sacrifice and just donate all the money to your desired cause (duh?).

And don’t get me started on saving the environment using fluorescent light bulbs (environmental mercury anyone?…). I like it [persistent in the biosphere]…

I am concerned for the “hipster movement”, because there is no actual movement associated with it, unless you think buying flannel shirts and listening to indie bands via ITunes is a movement.

Is this really what the kids think is cool nowadays? I hang out in a neighbourhood with a high-hipster-concentration in Toronto and I have to say I haven’t heard any political talk and there is a mayoral race in about a month with a candidate with one of the most despicable political platforms I have ever seen.

Many other past youth movements have included elements of political activism. For example, think of all the political work that occurred with the group that shares the root word “hip” with hipsters; The “hippies”. The hippie movement included opposition to war and racism and the championing sexual liberation and environmentalism. They held many political non-violent protests (civil rights and anti-war marches). The legacy of the hippie movement is still around everywhere.

Is the reason that the hipsters of today don’t get political is because our society is just too awesome right now, there is nothing to change or even attempt to change? Has all progress been made and now the only thing to concern ourselves with is blogging and the new BrakeLights or PBRmeASAP App for the IPhone (these are no jokes; the first is an application you put on your backpack and when the accelerometer senses you are coming to a stop on your fixie it flashes red and the word stop comes on the screen the second gives a birds-eye view of any bar in town that serves Pabst Blue Ribbon).

I really wish hipsters would stand for something! These are the brightest, most educated, entitled and tech savvy kids in the world. It would be nice if they could do something to benefit the greater society, I mean they must like some people who aren’t hipsters..

Anyway I have to end this rant somehow and someway, so I am going to fall back on a portion of a great article I read from Adbusters where the author is describing the scene at the end of an all-night hipster party “I take a look at one of the girls wearing a bright pink keffiyah and carrying a Polaroid camera and think, “If only we carried rocks instead of cameras, we’d look like revolutionaries.”

But hey maybe the hipsters lack of motivation will lead to the next youth movement with a huge ambition and ambition to change…….. Or maybe not………., because frankly it’s so much more fun to spend time social networking…….

(Video link) “Being a Dickhead’s Cool,” by The Grand Spectacular. (Via Boingboing)

(Video link) “The Hipster Song,” by Quiet Films.

Okay, so maybe I’m not exactly breaking the Watergate story here but it took me a long time to own my nerdiness. So I’m understandably ticked-off that just when I find my nerd pride, hipsters go and make it cool to be a geek!

We true nerds earned our title through hours of building baking soda and vinegar volcanoes, plasticine dinosaurs and model solar systems. We didn’t suffer endless hours stuffed in lockers just so some unwashed, twenty something, who still gets an allowance from his parents can dress like Doctor Who and pretend to know something about quantum physics just to impress some chick in thick framed glasses.

In a perfect world we could force wannabe nerd hipsters to go back to high school gym class for a week. Wouldn’t that be fun? Watching their skinny asses get winded by a medicine ball while a bitter, middle-aged phys-ed teacher with a crew-cut looked the other way as the jocks barraged them with wedgies, nipple twists and whatever other dumb shit they do? Only then, would they be allowed to claim the title of nerd.

I posted the handy guide above to ensure that your hipster-rage is directed at the right “nerds”.

So we had an interesting discussion at CitizenHipster International Headquarters the other day about how hipster fashion compares to other fashion trends. The essence of true hipster style is to look as much as possible like you don’t care about how you dress by wearing clothes that the mainstream or “mainsies” would find weird or too awkwardly retro. The positive thing about this style is that it’s really cheap to get since the best places to get these kind of clothes are thrift stores, authentic vintage clothing stores or (the most authentic option of all) the trunk in your parents attic that’s full of your dead grandpa’s old clothes. The negative thing about this style is that it puts one in the position of having to put a herculean amount of effort into scrounging a complete hipster-cool outfit together (along with the added effort that’s required to make the outfit look like you really couldn’t care less about what you’re wearing). The noble creatures who follow these style guidelines are the true hipsters (shown in the lower right corner of the plot above). So, to compare the true hipster-style to other fashion styles, we thought that it would be interesting to plot other fashion types vs. the true hipster using the two main parameters mentioned above: the amount of time spent on dressing (and coordinating) and the amount of money spent on clothes.

For example, the rest of the hipsters (the follower hipsters) watch what the “true hipsters” are wearing and then imitate that style by going to the same thrift stores or grandparent’s closets to get the cool look and fit in (all the while still trying to appear to not care about fitting in). Of course, this costs a little more money because hipster-demand has increased but a little less time because the ground-breaking hipster-style work has already been done.

Eventually, other people around town notice the critical mass of hipsters wearing old poorboy hats and one of the minor retailers catches on, offering the style to the masses with less effort at a modestly increased cost. The people who buy these clothes (probably at Urban Outfitters) are the imitation hipsters. Still cool by “mainsie” standards, but far from authentic.

Other fashion types are shown on the plot for comparison. Interestingly enough, notice that the styles located at opposite corners of the graph are natural enemies.

Seriously, I thought that their music was actually pretty cool. A few tracks can be streamed from their myspace page, check it out.

So I thought that it would be good to use my first post to discuss what makes a hipster. I know what you’re thinking: “It’s easy to identify a hipster. A hipster is a counter-culture d-bag who wears Chuck Taylors, skinny jeans, neon or aviator sunglasses, owns a 70’s road bike and has poor hygiene!” … Hang on a second, I see these people everywhere I go! Hell, that would make me 4/5ths of a hipster (I like to think that I am at least moderately hygienic in my grooming practices).

I can just hear the conversation between two hipsters over a couple of PBRs:

“Check out this deck cardigan. I spent five weeks searching through Kensington Market, Goodwill and Salvation Army to find just the right look. It’s sooo ironic. It really shows how little I care about my outward appearance.”

“Didn’t I see that on a mannequin at H&M?”

Seriously, how can a young, artistic, unemployed urban dweller carve out a unique style when as soon as you get the look you want some freaking box store puts it in their fall line and every fat kid in the suburbs is wearing your hat or sneakers or bow-tie to their nine o’clock home room class? If hipsters are all about being counter-culture what does it mean now that they are the ones who are setting the trend for the rest of us? How can we identify a real hipster from someone who is merely trying to be trendy? Or, as my friend Jeff put it the other day, are hipsters going to start finding irony within irony (like the dream in a dream concept from Inception)? Are we going to see skinny hipsters in Abercrombie and Fitch and beefy frat boys squeezing into purple tights?

I guess there really isn’t a functional definition of a hipster because the division between mainstream and counter-culture is a lot more blurred than many of us would like to think. Sometimes I think that maybe we shouldn’t make fun of the people who are brave enough to push the boundary of cool. But then I see a dude like the one in the picture above. Nice pants buddy!